Sunday, May 9, 2021
It hasn’t gotten any easier, the fact that you’re gone eats away at me everyday.. i wish i had done things differently, maybe i could have helped. I should have pushed you more to go to the doctor sooner. I tried to be there as much as i could, and i thought i did a pretty good job, but it was so hard to see you like that at the end. It was horrible. I can’t even imagine what you went through and i am so sorry. I’m sorry i wasn’t there the way i should have been at the end. I’m so incredibly sorry. it’s something i will never forgive myself for and regret everyday. seeing you like that in the hospital was terrible and i just couldn’t.. and not with the whole family there. i just wanted everyone to leave. i wanted to be with you, and only you. but i know they needed to be there too. I miss you so much, i can’t believe i’ll never see you again. Or even visit you the way i want to because it was just a wonderful idea for them to bury you in a crappy cemetery 200 miles away, thanks guys. Everything that happened was so unfair. I miss is and everything is so different now. I never would have thought 2 1/2 years ago this is where i would be, this is what i would be doing, but i think you would be proud of me. I know the rest of the family just looks down on me but that’s fine, they don’t know me and i don’t care what they think. I only want to make you proud. I wish you were here to support me, to tell me you love me. I just wish you were here, everything in my head has fallen apart and i only feel worse. i’m sorry. i love you brodie
